there is hope for me yet...

The days seems to get harder and harder for me to keep getting up, going to school, and trying to teach high school kids Spanish. The novelty has worn off. The kids are obnoxious and most of them don't really want to learn Spanish, they're just taking it because it's the "easiest" class. Those things are only part of why it's getting hard. My passions are different.
Yes, I am passionate about Spanish and I love speaking it.
Yes, I am passionate about teaching.
But these passions I have don't quite fit in this context, which is probably exactly why God has me here, so I can learn to rely on Him more... and really, I don't know if they'll ever quite fit just so that I can rely on Him. HOWEVER, there is a bigger passion that I have that I long to be pursuing WITH the other passions all in one, all together. That passion is Jesus.
Where I am right now is so hard for me because I absolutely long to be serving the Lord, teaching others about Him, and serving Him with my gift of Spanish.
I know that He is using my gifts and talents to glorify Himself in this place and to teach me and to prepare me for other things He has in store for me.... but it's so hard to not really be able to talk about God in my workplace (I can only talk about it if people ask me)
It's so hard to be in this place.
But there's a scripture that comes to mind and gives me HOPE.
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." --Colossians 3:23-24

there is hope for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me, i have to wait and see, He's not finished with me yet
still wonderin' why i'm here, still wrestling with my fear, but oh, He's up to something...

méxico lindo

mi méxico lindo... cómo te extraño...
can't wait for this summer...

joy

I'm exhausted. I had one of the longest days of my life yesterday, got less than 7 hours of sleep and had to be up at five to start a new day. If I could have an IV of coffee pouring into my veins, that would be appreciated. But today, I sit here at my job that I don't really want to be doing, trying to work on things, trying to fight sleepiness...

and I feel this immense joy in my heart.

joy n.
a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.

I know, given my current circumstances, that the only reason I can feel this joy is because of God. It's more than just an emotion; it's a soul-deep peace that sparkles in your eyes. When I feel it, I remember... after all that time of not having it, that long year and a half, I remember when my best friend told me, "You've got your joy back."
That soul-touching joy that comes from trusting and following my LORD, Yahweh.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song. -Psalm 28:7

It has nothing to do with external things. Just internal trust and hope.
There is nothing that I like about my circumstances.
but He is my strength and my delight.
amen.