wrestling with God

"You must learn to wrestle against the things that hinder your communication with God, and wrestle in prayer for other people; but to wrestle with God in prayer is unscriptural. If you ever do wrestle with God, you will be crippled for the rest of your life. If you grab hold of God and wrestle with Him, as Jacob did, simply because He is working in a way that doesn't meet with your approval, you force Him to put you out of joint (see Genesis 32:24-25 ). Don't become a cripple by wrestling with the ways of God, but be someone who wrestles before God with the things of this world, because "we are more than conquerors through Him . . ." ( Romans 8:37 )...We don't have to fight or wrestle with God, but we must wrestle before God with things. Beware of lazily giving up. Instead, put up a glorious fight and you will find yourself empowered with His strength."
- Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, December 16th

Man, that Oswald Chambers... he sure knew his stuff! If you haven't check out that devotional, you really should. He was for sure a man that knew the Lord. I've had this devotional for almost three years now and it sometimes makes me laugh how much I need to hear those things on the day I pick it up.
I attended a funeral yesterday of a loved one's close family member. Death has a way of making you see things differently. For me, it has brought out my feelings of wanting so much more than I'm living right now. I've been fighting the urge to wrestle with God about my current circumstances and where he has me placed right now. It's so hard, but I know I can't fight Him on this. With where He has me right now, I know I need to be wrestling the things of the world that I see around me, not fighting God because I'm not where I want to be.

Thank You, Lord, that You know what Your plan is. Help me to humbly rest in the hope and peace that comes from You. Help me to walk and live each day with obedience and open eyes and heart to the things You have for me...

There is hope for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me, have to wait and see, He's not finished with me yet...

joy

I'm exhausted. I had one of the longest days of my life yesterday, got less than 7 hours of sleep and had to be up at five to start a new day. If I could have an IV of coffee pouring into my veins, that would be appreciated. But today, I sit here at my job that I don't really want to be doing, trying to work on things, trying to fight sleepiness...

and I feel this immense joy in my heart.

joy n.
a. Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happiness.
b. The expression or manifestation of such feeling.

I know, given my current circumstances, that the only reason I can feel this joy is because of God. It's more than just an emotion; it's a soul-deep peace that sparkles in your eyes. When I feel it, I remember... after all that time of not having it, that long year and a half, I remember when my best friend told me, "You've got your joy back."
That soul-touching joy that comes from trusting and following my LORD, Yahweh.

The LORD is my strength and my shield;
my heart trusts in him, and I am helped.
My heart leaps for joy
and I will give thanks to him in song. -Psalm 28:7

It has nothing to do with external things. Just internal trust and hope.
There is nothing that I like about my circumstances.
but He is my strength and my delight.
amen.

kids say the darndest things...

Last thursday was the last day I was in school, because of friday grad classes. I was teaching the Spanish 1 classes the geography of Latin America. Why is it that we're so bad at knowing where other places are in the world? Are we really that self-consumed?? Ill stop there with that, that would be a whole other issue and take away from the point of what I'm saying.
So my focus class is 4th hour, right before lunch, so they're always a little fiestier than any of my other classes. So we were going down the countries, south from Mexico, and we got to Honduras, a country that I've visited and that the kids know I've been to because I told them the day before. I asked the class if anyone knew the name of the country and that I had talked about visiting there... and one of the kids yells,"Starbucks!"
Now this didn't come completely out of no where. In the presentation I gave about myself the day before, I also shared with them my love for coffee, so he showed that he remembered... It just cracks me up! A country called Starbucks.... that would definitely be where I would want to live!
Anyway, kids are funny. And I can't wait to hear what else they say throughout this year. I'm looking forward to getting to know my students. That's good, right?
My mentor and I have also gotten to have some amazing conversations about faith and trusting God and following Him. I'm starting to see why this is exactly where God wanted me for this year, that He had this all planned out the whole time. It's given me so much peace, I'm not really worried about anything. Not a thing... it's that peace that transcends all understanding... that's what I've got...