This past week on the way to work... I was asking myself why I'm doing this.
Why am I here? Why am I coming back to high school when it wasn't the greatest experience for me? Why?
I see so many kids that just break my heart. Mostly girls. I can see the insecurity in their eyes. I can see those ones that are looking to guys to give them worth and feel like they're something special. I can spot them so easy and it breaks my heart... because that used to be me. I want to show them that they don't have to do that, that they are worth something...
by teaching them Spanish?
...something doesn't sit right about that with me...
That's because the One thing that will give them worth... I can't talk to them about. That's why I don't think this is for me. Yes, being able to speak another language is an amazing skill and I think everyone should speak at least two languages... but whether they can speak Spanish or not isn't going to save their souls. It's not going to give them rest. It's not going to give them purpose. It's not going to restore them. No.
Lo que pasa es que... sólo Dios puede salvar y dar luz... yo, no... ni la capacidad de hablar otro idioma.
y te pregunto otra vez, Señor.... ¿por qué estoy aquí?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
if i fail, well then, i fail, but at least i gave you something...
Oh, failure...
I'm not saying that I am one, but I definitely felt like one today. My head was definitely not in the game as far as teaching today. My heart was wrapped up in the ugliness of sin issues I have been stuck in. Wrestling with my thoughts. Not focused on teaching. Not really caring. Fumbling over my words.
Then I realized I wasn't giving them enough time. So I had to change things around, rearrange things a bit.... to give them more time. Then trying to figure out what I was going to do with them on the extra days and how it was all going to work.... overwhelmed. Trying to put together a worksheet last minute.... overwhelmed.
These thoughts of failure and this mess I'm concerned with... they are jailing. And it is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. (Galatians 5:1)
I am not a failure.
I am free.
Nothing is too big for my God.
I'm not saying that I am one, but I definitely felt like one today. My head was definitely not in the game as far as teaching today. My heart was wrapped up in the ugliness of sin issues I have been stuck in. Wrestling with my thoughts. Not focused on teaching. Not really caring. Fumbling over my words.
Then I realized I wasn't giving them enough time. So I had to change things around, rearrange things a bit.... to give them more time. Then trying to figure out what I was going to do with them on the extra days and how it was all going to work.... overwhelmed. Trying to put together a worksheet last minute.... overwhelmed.
These thoughts of failure and this mess I'm concerned with... they are jailing. And it is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. (Galatians 5:1)
I am not a failure.
I am free.
Nothing is too big for my God.
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